Fifteen years ago I was a 140lbs rising Freshman. Although I have very few regrets, I thought about what I would tell my 14 year old self if I could go back in time.
A few things I would tell 1993 Dave
-Practice ping pong, foosball and horseshoes. This will come in handy in college more than half of what you learn in high school.
-The Grateful Dead are a phenomenal band. Ditch the 311 CDs for American Beauty and Europe ’72; and go see them live before August 1995. Call it a hunch. Oh, and speaking of music, go see Nirvana at William and Mary in 1993 too. Another hunch.
-Don’t waste your time with the movie Showgirls. It will come out in 1995 starring Jessie from Saved by the Bell. She goes to Vegas to be a strip – I mean dancer. The 10 minutes of skin is not worth the other 121 minutes of the worst acting ever recorded on film. Just kidding – watch it religiously.
-Never have a girlfriend in high school. Not that the ladies I dated in high school weren’t lovely, they were, but I can’t help but feel like I missed out on a few good times with the bros. Actually, while we’re talking girlfriends – avoid them in college too.
-On the subject of girls – learn to swing dance. It will pay off immeasurably in college.
-In 2001 I quit eating fast food. I recommend stopping immediately. I did it because of a story I heard from a guy who used to work at Wendy’s. If you want to read the story, highlight this paragraph with your mouse. One night after closing this guy was cleaning the front counter when he heard an unusual sound. He turned around and saw a coworker cleaning out the inside of the Frosty machine WITH THE MOP HE JUST USED TO CLEAN THE FLOORS. BLAAAHHCCHH. Right when I heard this story I began to think about all the idiots who work in fast food and the unsanitary things they probably do and thought would I have them make me lunch in my home? Not a chance. Don't worry, Chick-fil-A and Sonic are not included, so keep eating chicken biscuits and cheddar tots.
-Bass Bucs? Are you serious? Time to be a big boy and get some brown loafers.
